The teacher has become the student.

I stand in front of 22 kids every day. My words sink into their minds. I set an example to them. I wish I could say it is always a good example, a Christ-like example. But I fail. And at the end of the day, the teacher has become the student.

I'm starting to doubt there is anything good in me. After growing up knowing God my whole life, I have so much to learn about living for Him. It's like, I dig out something from my life that I know should not be there, and what I uncover is just more trash that needs to be dug out. Things I did not even know were there... until I cleared the top out. I know I'm not the first person to go through this though, as David once said in the Old Testament, "How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults." (Psalm 19:12)

I also found this verse from the New Testament:
"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18 NIV)

So this is not a new problem. I guess one positive aspect to this revelation is that I am starting to realize that the only good things can can ever come out of me are through the POWER OF GOD ALONE. This reality brings tears. Seriously, we are desperate for God, desperate for His touch and mercy. And the miracle is that He comes to us in the midst of our filth. Why? I will spend the rest of my life pondering that question. In the end, I think I just want to look back and find that my life wasn't lived just for me, but for others and for God. So I am hoping that through this sin excavation process, God will rebuild me more into that kind of person, a person He will be proud to call His own.

We sang this song in church today...