I've been feeling like I'm dying a slow inward death lately. My thoughts are going crazy, reminding me of what I don't have and how bad I want those things, and completely disregarding all the blessings that are already present. Then I beat myself even more for being such a hypocrite to claim to believe and trust God when I cannot trust Him with my desires- the ones I cannot see, the ones that require faith.
Two small revelations occurred recently. I've been reading through the Bible and am currently parked at Leviticus, needing even more faith to expect to get anything out of it. But, there it is. Leviticus 1:3: "If the animal you present as a burnt offering is from the herd, it must be a male with no defects. Bring it to the entrance of the Tabernacle so you may be accepted by the LORD." The thought hit me - What ever made me think that all the "sacrifices" I make to God won't have to be the best and most perfect things? NO DEFECTS. It's been this way for a long time. So basically, it could be something that is really good for me, yet God still wants it from me. And it's not really a sacrifice until that is exactly what it is. So those desires, even the really good ones, must be given to God. The rest is His responsibility.
Two. I am so completely and incandescently (current favorite word) focused on ME: what I want, what I need. So I am turning to John the Baptist - a good example of humility. He says a couple of ego-shattering things, namely "Someone is coming after me who is far greater than I am (John 1:15)" and "I am a voice shouting in the wilderness, 'Clear the way for the LORD's coming! (John 1:23). He had the right focus. It's about God; it always has been. And the best part of all is that He is coming back again! I need the right focus: God and others. God, help me.
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